Slide Into My DMS

Using a rare non-Diverging Approach blog post to discuss some personal matters (and I promise, I’ll get back to blogging soon). As many readers already know, in addition to being a suburban transit nerd and advocate here at The Yard Social Club and at Star:Line Chicago, I’m also a professional transportation planner. For over a decade, I’ve worked in Chicago’s transportation industry as a consultant and, more recently, in the public sector with stints at the Chicago Transit Authority, Metra, and the Illinois Department of Transportation. This is also why every page on this website and every downloadable PDF here includes a quick little disclaimer that everything I do here is totally unrelated to my current and various past employers.

Unfortunately, after two years at the state, my position was eliminated as part of a larger court-mandated job reclassification effort. I was given the opportunity to apply for the replacement position and while I was invited to interview for the new position, I ended up not being the selected candidate. It was obviously disappointing, but I have no hard feelings towards the agency and I wish my co-workers and my replacement the best of luck moving forward.

While I was at IDOT, I eventually ended up becoming part of the agency’s internal Dynamic Message Sign (DMS) committee, and I ultimately ended up becoming one of the more prolific authors of some of the safety messages motorists have seen on interstates and expressways throughout the state. If you’ve driven on Illinois expressways over the last 18 months, there’s a very good chance you’ve read some of my work once or twice.

With March upon us — and with plenty of extra time on my hands — I wanted to take something of a final lap of my time as one of those DMS writers and to have some fun with the modest following we have on our social media accounts (and if this ends up landing my resume on an extra desk or two, all the better). I’ve pulled out 68 of my favorite messages that I was responsible for and assembled the “Slide Into My DMS” bracket. All throughout March, I’m inviting you all to follow us on the Star:Line Chicago Twitter account and vote for your favorites in head-to-head matches. The full bracket is located in this Google Sheets document, and the matchups (and much of the bracket introduction you just read) are all located in this Twitter thread.

It’s important to note that I was only one person on the DMS committee, and that some of the messages also came from a contest IDOT ran in 2018 and from some peer Departments of Transportation, so you may have a few personal favorites that aren’t shown here. However, everything in the bracket includes my contributions to the zeitgeist, so maybe there are a few in here you enjoyed as well.

Bracket Rules and Format

The official bracket is over on Google Sheets, which will also include links to active and past matches, which are in the form of Twitter polls. Poll durations may vary, but each poll (except the play in matches, which have already concluded) will be open at least 48 hours. Each day, four new polls will open, and all polls will be included in the same Twitter thread for easy reference. Follow us on Twitter @StarLineChicago to participate!

The Kennedy Region

The Kennedy Region includes 17 messages that were based on current events, ranging from annual events like Chicago’s Air and Water Show to more esoteric pop culture milestone anniversaries (generally 20th, 25th, 30th, etc.) that take a little digging to appreciate. But here’s the cheat sheet.

Seed	Message	Date	Location	Notes
1	ARUBA, JAMAICA // TEXTING’S A // MISTAKE-A	8/26/19	Statewide	Celebrating the 30th Anniversary of The Beach Boys’ Still Cruisin’ album, widely regarded to be their worst album to date.
2	YEAH, IF YOU COULD // NOT TEXT AND DRIVE // THAT’D BE GREAT	2/20/19	Statewide	Office Space‘s 20th Anniversary. Ended up with over 87,000 upvotes on Reddit.
3	SLOWING DOWN // IN WORK ZONES // IS SO FETCH	10/3/19	Statewide	On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.
4	TRY PUMPKIN // THE BRAKES // IN WORK ZONES	9/11/19	Statewide	Scheduled to run concurrently with Morton’s annual pumpkin festival, and the annual PSL fever.
5A	NO TEXTING // NO SPEEDING // NO KETCHUP	7/12/18	Chicago-area	Taste of Chicago 2018.
5B	DRAG YOUR HOTDOGS // DIP YOUR BEEFS // DROP YOUR PHONES	7/10/19	Chicago-area	Taste of Chicago 2019. (“Drag it through the garden.”)
6	POP QUIZ, HOTSHOT: // NOT BUCKLED UP? // WHAT DO YOU DO?	6/10/19	Statewide	Shoot the hostage.
7	HEY CHICAGO, WHAT // DO U SAY? DID U // BUCKLE UP TODAY?	4/8/19	Chicago-area	Cubs home opener.
8	DON’T BE ALL BLUE! // TAKE FIVE TO // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	8/29/19	Chicago-area	Jazz Fest.
9	BEAT DA PACKERS // BEAT DA TRAFFIC // USE MASS TRANSIT	9/5/19	Chicago-area	Bears home opener (on a Thursday night).
10	BABY, YOU’RE MUCH // TOO FAST: SLOW // DOWN IN WORK ZONES	6/7/19	Statewide	We miss you, Prince.
11	DIDN’T BUCKLE UP? // YOU CHOSE… // POORLY	5/24/19	Statewide	There’s probably a “no ticket” joke in here too somewhere.
12	“OH, IT’S // JUST A TEXT?” // DON’T GIMME THAT	9/26/19	Statewide	The Biz never sleeps.
13	“DON’T YOU // FORGET ABOUT ME” // -YOUR SEAT BELT	2/15/20	Statewide	Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours…
14	SAVE THE FLYING // FOR THE PILOTS // OBEY SPEED LIMITS	8/16/19	Chicago-area	Air and Water Show.
15	DON’T BE A // FOOL IN THE RAIN // WIPER ON LIGHTS ON	8/15/19	Statewide	Getting the Led out.
16	GET BUSY LIVING // GET BUSY DRIVING // PUT THE PHONE AWAY	9/23/19	Statewide	I guess I just miss my friend.

The Eisenhower Region

The Eisenhower Region includes 17 holiday-themed messages. Don’t take the seeds too seriously here; I put my finger on the scale a bit to make sure the Halloween and Christmas messages were all grouped together.

Seed	Message	Date	Location	Notes
1	DRIVING: THE ONLY // GOOD REASON NOT // TO CALL YOUR MOM	5/12/19	Statewide	Mother’s Day
2	STARTING 2020 // ON A HIGH NOTE? // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	12/31/19	Statewide	New Year’s Eve (and cannabis legalization)
3	BOOS, NOT BOOZE // SAVE A SCARE // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	10/25/19	Statewide	Halloween
4	LET SOMEONE ELSE // HO-HO-HOLD THE KEY // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	12/16/19	Statewide	Christmas
5	OH WHAT FUN IT IS // TO RIDE IN A SOBER // DRIVER’S SLEIGH	12/20/19	Statewide	Christmas
6	WORKING IN THE LAB // LATE ONE NIGHT? // DON’T DRIVE TIRED	10/28/19	Statewide	MASH GOOD
7	GREEN LIGHT BEER // LEADS TO // BLUE LIGHTS HERE	3/17/19	Statewide	St. Patrick’s Day (meet me downtown this year!)
8	TEXTING IS TACKY // TELL THEM YOU LOVE // THEM IN PERSON	2/14/19	Statewide	Valentine’s Day
9	SIPPING MARGARITAS // OR MINT JULEPS? // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	5/4/19	Statewide	Cinco de Mayo and the Kentucky Derby
10A	COLUMBUS MADE IT // BECAUSE HE DIDN’T // TEXT WHILE SAILING	10/14/19	Statewide	Columbus Day 2019
10B	“DISCOVER” YOUR // SEAT BELT // CLICK IT OR TICKET	10/8/18	Statewide	Columbus Day 2018
11	EXTRA HOUR IN JAIL // FOR DRUNK DRIVERS // THIS WEEKEND	11/2/19	Statewide	Daylight savings time ends
12	YOUR SLEIGH SHOULD // NOT BE FLYING // WATCH YOUR SPEED	12/13/19	Statewide	Christmas
13	THE BEST PRESENT // IS BEING PRESENT // ARRIVE ALIVE	12/24/19	Statewide	Christmas
14	SCARIEST COSTUME: // A DRIVER // WHO TEXTS	10/31/19	Statewide	Halloween
15	NO SALE IS // TO DIE FOR // SLOW DOWN	11/29/19	Statewide	Black Friday
16	FREEDOM IS HAVING // A SOBER RIDE HOME // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	7/4/19	Statewide	Independence Day

The Stevenson Region

The Stevenson Region includes 16 special messages displayed for particular concert or one-time sporting events throughout the state. These are also pretty indicative of my varied tastes/guilty pleasures in music.

Seed	Message	Date	Artist and Location
1	DON’T BE A SUCKER // GET AN S.O.S. OUT // TO A SOBER DRIVER	9/19/19	Jonas Brothers @ United Center
2	A SAFE RIDE HOME: // SEE IT, LIKE IT // WANT IT, GET IT	6/4/19	Ariana Grande @ United Center
3	GET THE RIGHT // STUFF: HANG TOUGH // WITH SOBER DRIVERS	6/14/19	New Kids On The Block @ Allstate Arena
4	DON’T GET BROUGHT // DOWN WITH A DUI // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	7/27/19	Electric Light Orchestra @ United Center
5	HEADING HOME? A SOBER DRIVER CAN // SHOW YOU THE WAY	7/28/19	Peter Frampton @ Northerly Island
6	BELIEVE WHEN I SAY // PLEASE PUT YOUR // PHONE AWAY	8/10/19	Backstreet Boys @ United Center
7	SOBER DRIVERS ARE // THE CHAMPIONS, // MY FRIENDS	8/9/19	Queen @ United Center
8	GET A SOBER ANGEL // TO DRIVE AND // THERE’S NO PROBLEM	9/28/19	Chance the Rapper @ United Center
9	DON’T LET ME DOWN // GET CLOSER WITH A // DESIGNATED DRIVER	10/4/19	The Chainsmokers @ United Center
10	IF YOU CAN’T BE A // 4-TIME WORLD CHAMP // BE A SAFE DRIVER	10/6/19	USWNT friendly @ Soldier Field
11	BELIEVE THAT YOU // ARE STRONG ENOUGH // TO WAIT TO TEXT	11/27/19	Cher @ United Center
12	BUCKLE UP // DOO DOO // DO-DOO DO-DOO	10/28/19	Baby Shark Live @ TaxSlayer Center
13	ONE LOOK // (AT YOUR PHONE) // COULD KILL	7/7/19	Alice Cooper @ Peoria Civic Center
14	WHAT’S THE DEAL // WITH PEOPLE WHO // DON’T BUCKLE UP?	12/19/19	Jerry Seinfeld @ Peoria Civic Center
15	GOT DOUBLE VISION? // IT’S URGENT // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	6/23/19	Foreigner @ Assembly Hall
16	MEET YOUR SOBER // RIDE HOME BEFORE // YOU START TO SWAY	7/20/19	Michael Buble @ Allstate Arena

The Dan Ryan Region

The Dan Ryan Region includes 18 messages displayed for no particular reason other than promoting safe driving.

Seed	Message	Date
1	PHONE DOWN EYES UP // WHEN YOU DRIVE // A CAR OR TRUCK	Various
2	HANGING WITH BUDS? // AVOID THE JOINT // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	1/20/20
3	TREAT YOUR KIDS // LIKE A FANNY PACK: // BUCKLED UP IN BACK	Various
4	HASH AND HASHTAGS // ARE BOTH ILLEGAL // BEHIND THE WHEEL	1/21/20
5A	PLEASE STOP TAKING // PICTURES OF THIS // SIGN WHILE DRIVING	3/8/19
5B	THANK YOU FOR // READING THIS SIGN // AND NOT YOUR PHONE	11/18/19
6	KEEP YOUR TWEETS // OFF THE STREETS // DROP IT AND DRIVE	4/12/19
7	GOT THE MUNCHIES? // GET FOOD DELIVERED // DON’T DRIVE HIGH	2/7/20
8	WATCH YOUR SPEED // NOT YOUR NEWS FEED // DROP IT AND DRIVE	11/12/19
9	OH CELL NO // DROP IT // AND DRIVE	5/28/19
10	PUFF, PUFF // PASS THE KEYS TO A // DESIGNATED DRIVER	2/21/20*
11	STATE TROOPERS // WEED OUT // IMPAIRED DRIVERS	1/27/20
12	ORGAN DONOR? // LET’S NOT FIND OUT // WATCH YOUR SPEED	12/6/19
13	BE A THINKER // USE YOUR BLINKER	7/15/19
14A	STEERING WHEELS // ARE NOT // HANDS-FREE DEVICES	7/26/19
14B	SHIFTER IN “D”? // PHONE IN // HANDS-FREE	8/2/19
15	DAY DRINKING // IS STILL DRINKING // DESIGNATE A DRIVER	7/19/19
16	DROP IT AND DRIVE // MEANS YOUR PHONE // NOT YOUR TRASH	Various

Follow the matches and vote on the Star:Line Chicago Twitter account. And yes, feel free to slide into the DMs.